How do you pinpoint the root of a fear such as being successful?  It’s a frustrating thing to deal with when you realize after a long talk with a close friend that this may be the reason why you’re not where you think you should be.  Reading about this on various websites sure does offer plenty of advice on how to overcome it, but what to do when you don’t feel like you can?  Such a conundrum.

It’s not wrong to want to help people, at least in my eyes.  Most of my recent mindset has been to assist people and inspire them to become better than where they’re at.  Yet I never apply these to myself.  Do I have needs?  Are my needs actually being satisfied by helping others or am I trying to find my needs in others?  If I do have needs, whatever they might be, how do I satisfy them?

Here’s where the fear of success pops in.  Do I really want to better my needs?  I never felt like I had to for a good long while.  I was too wrapped up in helping and pleasing others that I never gave myself the time I needed.  Waddling through this and that system, going with the flow, but never really having my own personal identity.  It’s sad to me, in a way.  This is probably why I have latched on to Capoeira so strongly; through it I’ve found a way to better myself physically and mentally without me realizing I’m doing it.  All I see is playing the game and suddenly I’ve gained increased muscle mass, flexibility and body control.  All I’ve done is have fun and I’ve become a better teacher, more open, and more confident.  

So I guess I fear success in everything else besides capoeira.  I’m always looking for the next thing to find in capoeira to help me better my personal life; perhaps overcoming my fear of success is the next step.  I forget sometimes (a lot) that there are people out there who want to be my friends, in spite of my obliviousness and occasional a-hole reaction to situations.  

Whatever the root of this issue may be, I must solider on and be as strong as I can be.  Or rather, realize how strong I actually am.

-D